


"ball of earth"

by mostfamousestofhobbits



Series: romance without words [3]
Category: The Losers (Comic)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 11:02:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3132101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostfamousestofhobbits/pseuds/mostfamousestofhobbits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>jensen gets too lonely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"ball of earth"

**Author's Note:**

> no caps, as per usual. the theme song for this one is [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pb1fG6jDF1Q).

after his experience with lsd on dia de los muertos, jensen avoided all drugs. there wasn't much point in hurting himself more. he was still in mexico though. seemed he couldn't leave. cougar's grandmother had unofficially adopted him, stuffing him full of delicious homemade food and stories of cougar's childhood visits.

he almost couldn't remember cougar before the pass. señora alvarez's stories had helped, though. cougar had been a shy kid until he got into comics. deadpool was his favorite, as were wolverine and the punisher. sra. alvarez still had some of the comics, and she gave them to jensen.

"read,  _mi'jo_. read and remember." she had the magical ability to render him speechless. he'd gotten quieter these days, though. mostly because he still couldn't speak much spanish, but also because there didn't seem to be much point in talking. nobody to talk to, really.

he stared at the code in front of him, willing himself to at least finish the body portion. he'd been creating personalized blog themes for a while, which brought in a decent amount of money. he'd also come up with a tumblr extension that made the site somewhat fucking useable again. the staff were trying too hard to be hip and different.

"'s a fucking blogging platform, not a hip version of youtube. assholes," he muttered to himself. he gently closed his laptop with a sigh. not much point in trying to concentrate when it was day of the dead again.

the lights outside were flickering in the rain. precipitation didn't seem to deter the festivities though. there were still crowds of people outside, dressed up and painted and parading. the din was faint. he'd soundproofed the walls in the house he'd bought, after ensuring he had wi-fi.

the renters downstairs were arguing again. idly, he wondered if they were complaining about rent versus gambling debts, or perhaps they were arguing about having kids. those were the only parts he could generally make out.

" _hijo de puta_..." he muttered, then smirked. maybe he'd picked up more spanish than he'd thought. he glanced to his left at a small shrine. it was the hat, framed by figurines of the virgin mary and the green power ranger, cougar's favorite. there were candles branching out from the figurines, scented ones. he'd found one that smelled like campfires and another one that smelled like leather. they didn't have gunmetal scented candles, but he'd made do. he was conflicted about the campfire candles. cougar only liked the smell of burning pine. all other wood pissed him off.

jensen reached under the desk and pulled out a big yellow envelope. in it was an unmarked bottle of pills, a bottle of cougar's grandmother's favorite tequila, and an envelope with pooch's last address on it. taking a deep breath, he tossed the envelope on the laptop and pushed his chair back. he stood up and stretched, cracking his back a little. he dug in his pocket and pulled out a lighter with skulls on it. he stared at it for a minute. wrapping his fingers around it, he pressed his fist to his forehead, thinking. he exhaled, feeling the breath rush out of him.

“alright.” he didn’t move. “okay.” still didn’t move. he laughed noiselessly, then turned and lit the candles. “okay,” he muttered, staring at the flames. turning toward the desk, he regarded the two bottles for a moment. “alright already.” _we’ll all float on, alright, don’t worry, we’ll all float on…_ the song wandered through his head.

he sat down hurriedly. it was time. he spread his hands out on the desk, staring at his fingers, the same fingers that had run through cougar’s hair. they clenched into fists. he closed his eyes and exhaled, hastily removing his glasses. rubbing his eyes, he laughed.

“this is stupid.” he looked at the bottles, then opened the tequila and took a long drink. he winced at the burn, then muttered, “fuckin’ stupid.” gripping the tequila, he stared at the pill bottle, eyes watering. he grabbed the pills and opened the bottle with shaking hands. he dumped out eight or nine white unmarked pills into his left hand and stared at them. he grinned mirthlessly and took them dry, feeling them slide roughly down his throat. he took ten more with another swig of tequila, holding them in his mouth until he tasted their bitterness.

“fuckin’ stupid,” he said. he sat back, running his fingers through his hair. he scratched his head. took another long pull at the tequila. he washed down the rest off the pills a couple at a time, then finished off the tequila. his stomach hurt already, but he’d figured that would happen. he stood up, staggering a little, and headed to the bedroom. he paused in the doorway, hand on the molding, then turned around and stumbled over to the shrine. he picked up the hat and put it on his head as firmly as he could.

he made it to the bedroom. he stood there for a bit, then swayed a few steps in and collapsed onto his knees. the alcohol was kicking in. he crawled to the bed, stopping a few times to fight off nausea. he’d never been able to handle much alcohol, unlike cougar or roque. or clay. He rested his head against the mattress for a bit. he was dizzy. blinking slowly, he looked at the deep blue carpet beneath him. the world faded to black after a while. he felt himself falling. his throat burned. emptiness took him.

he woke up on the floor. oddly, he felt fine. a bit woozy, but otherwise okay. he pushed himself upright and shook his head roughly, trying to wake up. standing, he looked up at the ceiling and sighed. he bent down to retrieve the hat, but it wasn’t there. he was, though. or his body, rather. he stared down at it, fascinated. there was his faded white tshirt, his ragged off-brand khakis, his bare feet.

“weird.” a chuckle came from his left. he turned to see clay, standing there with cougar’s hat in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

“good to see you, jensen. cougar’s been getting on my nerves lately.” he took a long drag from his cigarette, then blew the smoke sideways toward the door. a grunt, and a familiar brown hand waving the smoke away. jensen started smiling. clay handed over the hat. it went over long pulled back hair. cougar looked up at jensen, eyes twinkling.

“ _hola_.”


End file.
